Dumb Criminals & 7 Things To Remember
March 4th 2007 20:48
OK, folks - today we’re going to have some fun at Today’s World -
Nothing serious whatsoever; hope you all enjoy:
DUMB CRIMES AND CRIMINALS:
COMMIT A CRIME - AND CALL THE COPS?
In Savannah, Georgia (USA) Police arrested two of three teenagers who, after skipping school, burglarized a home.
Seems like while they were burglarizing the residence, they decided to have some “fun” and call in a bomb threat at Southwest Middle School.
So, being a couple bricks short of a full load, they called it into “911" (the emergency police system throughout the U.S.), instead of directly to the school.
Thank Goodness, because “911" is so organized that the police are able to pick up the telephone number and address from which all “911" calls are made. The police did exactly that, immediately dispatching officers to the scene; discovering the burglary, and finding the three wannabee villain loaded up with electronics, jewelry and DVDs.
One of the kids got away and two were arrested.
Conclusion: Never, ever, ever call the police while you are committing a crime!
COMMIT YOUR CRIMES NEXT DOOR TO THE POLICE:
In Calgary, Alberta, Canada, a man attempted a break-in into a building right next to a Police Training Facility (during a training session), with a marked police car out front.
The alert police heard the burglary and went to investigate. The burglar drove through a garage door, almost hitting one officer, and then got stuck in the snow. After attempting to flee on foot, the gentleman of questionable honesty and sense, was caught with a cash box, and has been charged.
Conclusion: If you want to be a criminal, don’t commit crimes while the police are around!
BEWARE OF WHERE YOU STASH YOUR STASH:
In Iowa City, Iowa, a Pizza Pit employee made a bank night deposit of the Pizza’s cash and checks for the day.
For some reason, he had put his marijuana into the deposit bag, which went into the night depository.
He admitted to the police that the dope was his, and that he inadvertently deposited it along with the Pizza receipts.
Here’s the kicker: a bank employee returned the contraband the next day, and the police have no evidence with which to prosecute.
Conclusion: What can I say?
DON’’T ROB YOUR OWN BANK:
A gentleman in California (o.k., beginning statement utterly questionable; I know: born there) opened up a new bank account giving all his information to the account specialist.
He received some temporary checks and deposit slips and then, and then, and then, wrote a note declaring he was robbing the bank on the back of one of his own deposit slips!
Conclusions: Don’t rob banks; but if you have to, never, ever give the bank you are robbing your name and address during the robbery.
DISCLAIMER: The above is not intended to be a primer or how-to instructions on committing crimes. It’’s been for fun only -
----------
OF THE NOT TOO SMART:
1. Somewhere, someplace a medical student doing his/her turn in a toxicology at
a poison control center received a telephone call from a woman saying that her daughter had eaten some ants and she was very upset and worried.
The future doc told the woman that the girl would be ok and was about to end the conversation when the woman offhandedly mentioned that she had administered some ant poison to her daughter to kill the ants.
Of course, the med student then told the woman to bring her daughter to emergency right away. My source doesn’t give the outcome, but we are all hoping and praying that the girl is ok and was not permanently harmed by Mom’s lack of sense.
Conclusion: While I am the topmost person regarding personal rights, some people should just not be allowed to have children or any kind of responsibility whatsoever.
2. Somewhere, someplace a motorist was speeding through an “automated speed trap” which photographed his car, including the license plate, and measured his speed. Subsequently, he received a ticket in the mail for $40.00 along with a photograph of his car.
Always the comedian, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.00. Good sense of humor, what.
Well, the police can have fun too. The man next received another picture from the police: a photograph of some handcuffs.
Reportedly, the man promptly mailed $40.00 (real money) to pay the ticket.
Response: Funny stuff and good police work!
3. In Michigan a couple of guys went into a record store waving pistols. One of them shouted “Nobody move;” his partner then made the mistake of moving, and the first guy shot him.
Don’’t think anything more needs be said regarding this one.
----------
SEVEN THINGS TO REMEMBER IN 2007:
1. Life is short,
2. Break the rules,
3. Forgive quickly,
4. Kiss slowly,
5. Love truly,
6. Laugh uncontrollably, and
7. Never regret anything that made you smile.
*****************
And Then It's Winter............Live Life Now!!!
It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my
new life with my mate. And yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I
wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all...and I have
glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.
But, here it is...the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise How
did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my babies go? And where did my youth go?
I remember well... seeing older people through the years and thinking that
those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off
that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.
But, here it is.....My age is beginning to show and we are now those older
folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be. Each day now, I find
that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is
not a treat anymore..it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will, I
just fall asleep where I sit!
And so, now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the
aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things.
But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how
long it will last, this I know, that when it's over...its over! Yes, I have
regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done and other things I should have done
But indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. Its all in a
lifetime.
So, if you're not in your winter yet ... let me remind you, that it will be
here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in
your life, please do it quickly ! Life goes by fast. So, do what you can
today, because you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You
have no promise that you will get to see all the seasons of your life ... so, live
for today, and say all the things that you want your loved ones to
remember
Kudos to Maryann for this one and a lot more that she hasn’t gotten credit for - my bad
----------
Again, thanks Maryann:
POLITICS IN ACTION:
Little Johnny was watching television and heard people talking about “Politics.” He went to his dad for an explanation of what the word meant.
Dad told him: “Since I am the breadwinner of the family, I am the capital; since Mommy takes care of the bills and taxes, she is the government; since Nanny takes care of you, she is the working class; you are the people and your little brother Danny is the future. That’’s Politics.”
Later that night Johnny heard Danny crying and from the smell ascertained that his little brother had soiled his diapers. He goes to Mom who tells him to just go back to bed; he next goes to the Nanny’’s room and finds Dad in bed with the Nanny. So, he just forgets about the whole thing and goes back to bed. The next morning he says to Dad: I understand completely what politics are now. When the government is ignoring the people, the Capital is screwing the working class and the future is in deep doo doo.
I hope everybody enjoyed today’’s column and takes it in the spirit in which it was intended - to humor you.
Thanks for stopping by, please vote and click my sponsors’ links. This may allow me to continue and not have to get a real job.
Bob
Nothing serious whatsoever; hope you all enjoy:
DUMB CRIMES AND CRIMINALS:
COMMIT A CRIME - AND CALL THE COPS?
In Savannah, Georgia (USA) Police arrested two of three teenagers who, after skipping school, burglarized a home.
Seems like while they were burglarizing the residence, they decided to have some “fun” and call in a bomb threat at Southwest Middle School.
So, being a couple bricks short of a full load, they called it into “911" (the emergency police system throughout the U.S.), instead of directly to the school.
One of the kids got away and two were arrested.
Conclusion: Never, ever, ever call the police while you are committing a crime!
COMMIT YOUR CRIMES NEXT DOOR TO THE POLICE:
In Calgary, Alberta, Canada, a man attempted a break-in into a building right next to a Police Training Facility (during a training session), with a marked police car out front.
The alert police heard the burglary and went to investigate. The burglar drove through a garage door, almost hitting one officer, and then got stuck in the snow. After attempting to flee on foot, the gentleman of questionable honesty and sense, was caught with a cash box, and has been charged.
Conclusion: If you want to be a criminal, don’t commit crimes while the police are around!
BEWARE OF WHERE YOU STASH YOUR STASH:
In Iowa City, Iowa, a Pizza Pit employee made a bank night deposit of the Pizza’s cash and checks for the day.
For some reason, he had put his marijuana into the deposit bag, which went into the night depository.
He admitted to the police that the dope was his, and that he inadvertently deposited it along with the Pizza receipts.
Here’s the kicker: a bank employee returned the contraband the next day, and the police have no evidence with which to prosecute.
Conclusion: What can I say?
DON’’T ROB YOUR OWN BANK:
A gentleman in California (o.k., beginning statement utterly questionable; I know: born there) opened up a new bank account giving all his information to the account specialist.
He received some temporary checks and deposit slips and then, and then, and then, wrote a note declaring he was robbing the bank on the back of one of his own deposit slips!
Conclusions: Don’t rob banks; but if you have to, never, ever give the bank you are robbing your name and address during the robbery.
DISCLAIMER: The above is not intended to be a primer or how-to instructions on committing crimes. It’’s been for fun only -
----------
OF THE NOT TOO SMART:
1. Somewhere, someplace a medical student doing his/her turn in a toxicology at
a poison control center received a telephone call from a woman saying that her daughter had eaten some ants and she was very upset and worried.
The future doc told the woman that the girl would be ok and was about to end the conversation when the woman offhandedly mentioned that she had administered some ant poison to her daughter to kill the ants.
Of course, the med student then told the woman to bring her daughter to emergency right away. My source doesn’t give the outcome, but we are all hoping and praying that the girl is ok and was not permanently harmed by Mom’s lack of sense.
Conclusion: While I am the topmost person regarding personal rights, some people should just not be allowed to have children or any kind of responsibility whatsoever.
2. Somewhere, someplace a motorist was speeding through an “automated speed trap” which photographed his car, including the license plate, and measured his speed. Subsequently, he received a ticket in the mail for $40.00 along with a photograph of his car.
Always the comedian, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.00. Good sense of humor, what.
Well, the police can have fun too. The man next received another picture from the police: a photograph of some handcuffs.
Reportedly, the man promptly mailed $40.00 (real money) to pay the ticket.
Response: Funny stuff and good police work!
3. In Michigan a couple of guys went into a record store waving pistols. One of them shouted “Nobody move;” his partner then made the mistake of moving, and the first guy shot him.
Don’’t think anything more needs be said regarding this one.
----------
SEVEN THINGS TO REMEMBER IN 2007:
1. Life is short,
2. Break the rules,
3. Forgive quickly,
4. Kiss slowly,
5. Love truly,
6. Laugh uncontrollably, and
7. Never regret anything that made you smile.
*****************
And Then It's Winter............Live Life Now!!!
It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my
new life with my mate. And yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I
wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all...and I have
glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.
But, here it is...the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise How
did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my babies go? And where did my youth go?
I remember well... seeing older people through the years and thinking that
those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off
that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.
But, here it is.....My age is beginning to show and we are now those older
folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be. Each day now, I find
that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is
not a treat anymore..it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will, I
just fall asleep where I sit!
And so, now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the
aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things.
But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how
long it will last, this I know, that when it's over...its over! Yes, I have
regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done and other things I should have done
But indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. Its all in a
lifetime.
So, if you're not in your winter yet ... let me remind you, that it will be
here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in
your life, please do it quickly ! Life goes by fast. So, do what you can
today, because you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You
have no promise that you will get to see all the seasons of your life ... so, live
for today, and say all the things that you want your loved ones to
remember
Kudos to Maryann for this one and a lot more that she hasn’t gotten credit for - my bad
----------
Again, thanks Maryann:
POLITICS IN ACTION:
Little Johnny was watching television and heard people talking about “Politics.” He went to his dad for an explanation of what the word meant.
Dad told him: “Since I am the breadwinner of the family, I am the capital; since Mommy takes care of the bills and taxes, she is the government; since Nanny takes care of you, she is the working class; you are the people and your little brother Danny is the future. That’’s Politics.”
Later that night Johnny heard Danny crying and from the smell ascertained that his little brother had soiled his diapers. He goes to Mom who tells him to just go back to bed; he next goes to the Nanny’’s room and finds Dad in bed with the Nanny. So, he just forgets about the whole thing and goes back to bed. The next morning he says to Dad: I understand completely what politics are now. When the government is ignoring the people, the Capital is screwing the working class and the future is in deep doo doo.
I hope everybody enjoyed today’’s column and takes it in the spirit in which it was intended - to humor you.
Thanks for stopping by, please vote and click my sponsors’ links. This may allow me to continue and not have to get a real job.
Bob| 47 |
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