The Lighter Side
February 12th 2007 00:36
QUOTABLE QUOTES:
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for the Federal anti-smoking campaign.
If you’d like a laugh, then read through these Children's Science Exam
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this !)
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to
flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature
hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the
heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E,
I,O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Subject: Classmates
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, "SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?"
WELL......YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name, had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could this be the same guy that I had a secret crush on back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmmm........or could he???
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.
"Yes, yes I did. I had a mustange.” He gleamed with pride.
When did you graduate?” I asked.
He answered, “In 1956. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then that ugly, old, wrinkled son-of-a-bitch asked, "WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"
THE BATHTUB TEST:
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the
Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub,
then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to
the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor.
"A normal person would use the bucket
because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
2. Wait for it!!
"No." said the Director,
"A normal person would pull the plug. Do
you want a bed near the window?"
DID YOU PASS THE TEST, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?
Come on back; be sure to vote and click on the sponsors’ links for points for me. Thanks
| 58 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
